I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
