i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
