this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
