dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
