I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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