I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize