u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
