I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
