Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
