I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
