Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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