EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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