best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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