He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
