So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
