I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
