A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My penis needs a shock collar
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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