he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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