break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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