I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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