Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
