He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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