I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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