That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
