i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
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I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
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Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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