You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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