if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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