I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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