meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
