ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
