It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
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i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
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Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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