i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
