Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
