Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
