I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
