Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You ruined the universe
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
