I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
it was like eating out sand paper
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
