and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
