sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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