Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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