I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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