I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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