This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
