Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
