she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
