Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
