last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
