There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
