OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I need help removing her.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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