burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
