Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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