he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
