Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
