I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's Friday. Sex?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
