She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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