You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
