thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
