hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
