They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
