Someone shit on the floor
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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