Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
