I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
