He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
