Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
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