I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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