Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You are a genius and a whore.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
