Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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