I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
