She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
