quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
