im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
