sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
