Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
