I'm sorry my penis didn't work
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
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