You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
That was before I lit my hair on fire
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
