Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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