after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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