So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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