Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
