I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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