I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Randomize
