no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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