i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
